You won’t find many music reviews in my blog, actually you won’t find any because that’s not what this blog is about. But in this instance I have just subjected myself to over an hour of a particular album and feel the need to inform the world of this audio puke.
I forgot my hard drive today that I use at work, so no new music for me to listen to. I was happily listening to various albums from a 7.5Gb USB from a friend. Some real gems on there, although some are not my cup of tea, I just like anything new and interesting. The only music that I have on my work computer is the new album from P!NK, given to me by the guy in his mid-fifties sat next to me. I know of Pink, but I had thought she disappeared into bags of coke and wealth years ago but it sounds like things have gone sober for her. Very sober.
This is the whitest sell out rock chick there is, with awful sampled guitars on que and exaggerated multi layered overwhelming digital production. This is the soundtrack for you if you feel you want to let your hair down and get that slightly more expensive phone tariff or take a selfie of yourself with a new messy haircut.
I would be surprised if P!NK has actually met anyone in a studio or personally knows a single musician who plays a real instrument. It sounds like she emailed woops and whoa’s and a little singing attached to an email and then a group of ‘technicians’ put the email into a bucket of sounds and samples and threw it over a bridge. When it hit the floor, the album was almost finished but not before attempting to make a few catchy intro’s and outro’s with a solo piano, to somehow convey the idea that “musicians” are actually sat in a studio “jamming”. P!NK performs these tracks with the same fervour as someone on inconsistent but strong medication. It’s like listening to a bi-polar person rant about everyday life, which contains no context and no motive other than a confused but odious outlook on love and life.
Track 6, entitled ‘How come you’re not here’ pretty much sums up the target audience, it’s a little ditty that contains paranoid rants and vulgar cussing towards both sexes. P!NK supposedly has been left alone in the house because her man has gone out (I’m not surprised because if the last 5 tracks are anything to go by she’s drunk and it hasn’t mixed well with her prescription). She is looking for her current victim under the bed, in the wardrobes but he isn’t there, she proceeds to shout loudly (singing, to the fans) that he should come home before she does something stupid or goes postal.
90% of the tracks are unbearable to be quite honest, perhaps the frequencies of the tracks are unsuitable for a mature ear but I found that simply over saturated pop rock and cuss words don’t do it for me. I can only imagine this is the kind of music for confused and frustrated teens in bedrooms and parties and the odd male hating female over twenty who sports a man’s haircut and boots but hangs around with attractive women. The part when Eminem laid some lyrics down for thirty seconds was the highlight, but this album is so dry it makes the moon look wet.
2/10
